i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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