The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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