Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They have beer where we have blood.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
