Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
