genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
