Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
