oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
