btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
