SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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