Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
