I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
