dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
