Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
