I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
