So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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