The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
