I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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