Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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