So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
