The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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