i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
