omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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