woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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