please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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