Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
did i just pee glitter
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
