so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you never un-have a 4some
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
