Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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