True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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