Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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