Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize