I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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