found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
