I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
