just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We need a shit load of segways right now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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