Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
