I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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