I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
