Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he thought i was a dude.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
