I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
