Swine flu. Run for my life!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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