my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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