Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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