Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
