before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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