Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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