Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Acid is not a monday night drug
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
