Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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