dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
jump out the window naked night went bad
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
