Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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