Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When are your genitals available?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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