Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
