in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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