I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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