Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
