franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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