I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
