I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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