Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
