Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up