my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.