halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.