Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure

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  (408): I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure http://tfl.nu/8j71
  Replies (28) Good night (466) Bad night (1676)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

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  (979): I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar http://tfl.nu/uc7h
  Replies (53) Good night (3912) Bad night (814)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.

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  (330): Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmn2
  Replies (4) Good night (606) Bad night (3965)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers

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  (508): but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers http://tfl.nu/9dwx
  Replies (1) Good night (2182) Bad night (832)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers

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  (404): It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers http://tfl.nu/xcf7
  Replies (3) Good night (2200) Bad night (1251)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.

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  (860): once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore. http://tfl.nu/0b2i
  Replies (19) Good night (807) Bad night (5653)
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  (916): View more from California

  nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds

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  (916): nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds http://tfl.nu/1rag
  Replies (5) Good night (1217) Bad night (2484)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.

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  (248): It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card. http://tfl.nu/7db5
  Replies (6) Good night (2810) Bad night (645)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!

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  (302): I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me! http://tfl.nu/y8cp
  Replies (5) Good night (1547) Bad night (455)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter

  (323): View more from California

  yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake

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  (215): yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter (323): yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake http://tfl.nu/wu9k
  Replies (13) Good night (857) Bad night (1262)
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  (415): View more from California

  also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...

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  (415): also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable... http://tfl.nu/fb10
  Replies (9) Good night (600) Bad night (1419)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.

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  (918): That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates. http://tfl.nu/madm
  Replies (8) Good night (1896) Bad night (497)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.

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  (810): Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer. http://tfl.nu/6hw0
  Replies (1) Good night (324) Bad night (585)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.

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  (936): Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major. http://tfl.nu/nm7r
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (182)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology

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  (717): im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology http://tfl.nu/f7q0
  Replies (6) Good night (588) Bad night (159)

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