I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
