and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.