I hate all girls vehemently.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.