I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.