Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

and on the seventh day, God created megan fox

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(901): View more from Tennessee

can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.

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(858): View more from California

the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.

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(713): View more from Texas

in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do

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(325): View more from Texas

3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!

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(206): View more from Washington

I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.

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