Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.