Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"