Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.

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  (540): I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up. (540) I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid. http://tfl.nu/obhg
  Replies (20) Good night (3854) Bad night (654)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?

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  (616): Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma? http://tfl.nu/rtd3
  Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (2531)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.

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  (202): Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this. http://tfl.nu/0xw5
  Replies (7) Good night (3136) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird

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  (303): Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird http://tfl.nu/672q
  Replies (12) Good night (3266) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.

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  (757): The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was. http://tfl.nu/n6wn
  Replies (3) Good night (2354) Bad night (1156)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?

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  (785): Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head? http://tfl.nu/u71n
  Replies (4) Good night (1629) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

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  (901): Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable http://tfl.nu/jd9a
  Replies (12) Good night (7322) Bad night (1372)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.

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  (404): I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach. http://tfl.nu/8lzh
  Replies (1) Good night (1675) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong

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  (510): she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong http://tfl.nu/3blf
  Replies (10) Good night (4391) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.

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  (979): Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/p1v5
  Replies (3) Good night (1777) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.

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  (248): Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents. http://tfl.nu/4qnq
  Replies (6) Good night (2533) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.

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  (707): At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/z9mt
  Replies (9) Good night (805) Bad night (1226)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.

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  (515): Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours. http://tfl.nu/5w5c
  Replies (5) Good night (1691) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.

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  (727): It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside. http://tfl.nu/ic5n
  Replies (5) Good night (645) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.

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  (318): He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free. http://tfl.nu/dxth
  Replies (0) Good night (942) Bad night (368)

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