That's when you crack a 10am beer
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!