i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!