My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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