every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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