in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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