Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
