is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
