i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
