im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
