So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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