it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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