you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
