Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
COCAINE IS GR8
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
