I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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