No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
