I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
