He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
