i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize