Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
