yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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