How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
