Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
