I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
