I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
